im having a threesome with these popsicles
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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