Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
