I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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