He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
