Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
