I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
