why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
