I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
