Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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