dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
