I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
