New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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