My liver just broke up with me...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
