Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
