I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
