i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
