Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
