It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
