I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
