I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
