Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
