Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize