Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
