so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Of course I have a pirate flag
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
