Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
