Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
