I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
