I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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