Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
3 2 1 whiskey
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
