so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
