So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
