i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
