You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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