is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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