what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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