you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
