I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
