i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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