my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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