its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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