I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
