i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize