dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
