the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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