Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
