guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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