I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize