I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
