I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
