i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
