a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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