I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
