his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
