If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
jump out the window naked night went bad
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