i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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