Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
