first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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