that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
