that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
