He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
