I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
