guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
