She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
