at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
