So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
