Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
