I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
