Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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