He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
